


Drawer of Secrets

by orphan_account



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: 1980s, Crack, Forum, Gen, Humor, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, Implied Sexual Content, Innuendo, Kink Discovery, One Shot, Past, Please kinkshame me, Plot Bunny, Porn Video, Porn Watching, Possible implied relations between a demon and a certain man, Raunch, Secrets, Sexual Humor, hidden past, porn star
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-25 01:39:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6175177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dipper goes snooping and finds out more about his grunkle's past then he ever wanted to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drawer of Secrets

It was a rather bizarre day for the Mystery Shack.

Mabel and Stan had run to the grocery store early in the morning. Dipper usually tagged along, but had been up all night reading from his large collection of  _Two-Minute Mysteries_ tomes and was  **not** going to get up, even if the Shack caught on fire.

"Suit yourself," Mabel said, giving him a kiss on the forehead as the two left together. Dipper simply groaned and turned over.

When he finally woke up formally about an hour later and saw no one was home yet, an opportunity sunk into his brain.

Everyone was gone. This was a perfect opportunity for...investigating. AKA snooping, but Dipper thought 'investigating' sounded much better.

What better place to 'investigate' but his grunkle's room? Dipper had always had sort of a weird feeling about it.

* * *

Walking down the hallway into his grunkle's room, Dipper began to feel a knot in his stomach. 

A part of him was screaming  _don't go in there don't go in there DON'T GO IN THERE. _But Dipper didn't understand why, and well, that just made him all the more curious.

As Dipper entered the room, he noticed a musky smell and a humming sound of which he couldn't identify the source. He tried to flip on the light switch, but it wasn't working for whatever reason. Dipper sighed and decided he'd try his best to do his 'investigation' in the dark.

He looked around a bit, finally identifying a brown drawer. He opened the drawer, and what was inside puzzled him.

It appeared to a VCR, with several VHS tapes next to it he was unable to identify in the dark. He used all of his little muscle to lift the VCR out of the room into the light, then went back for the VHS tapes.

Once they were in the light, Dipper slightly understood the part of him that was screaming not to go in Stan's room now.

The cover to the VHS on the top of the stack was a blonde, slender woman bent over in a red thong, with a blue, vibrant Comic Sans title reading  **All The Right Places 4.**

This was porn. 80s porn, to be precise.

Dipper made a noise of disgust, but couldn't help his curiosity. He flipped the VHS tape over to the back.

**Young, vibrant beautiful college cheerleader Carla gets through a whole series of Richard Simmons tapes and rewards herself with a nice, hot pizza with extra sausage and mushrooms. However, once the hunky pizza guy shows up, a spark immediately occurs between the two, and let's just say Carla's in for a whole other type of sausage!**

_**Not for sale or rent to consumers under the age of 18. Contains fully displayed intercourse and graphic nudity. Viewer discretion is strongly advised.**_

"Oh, god, that pun though." Dipper muttered to himself. Going through the whole stack of VHS tapes, they were all like this. He had just found his grunkle's old porn stash. He was definitely not going to watch any of these.

Nope. Not going to happen.

* * *

"Why am I doing this?" Dipper asked himself, plugging in the VCR.

For whatever reason, his stupid curious nature was getting the best of him, and since there was still no sign of Grunkle Stan or Mabel, he decided 'why not?'. Maybe he'd do a compare and contrast with the modern day adult titles.

Not that Dipper watched porn on a regular basis or anything. He didn't. Just ask him.

Putting in the VHS and once again checking that the coast was clear, he pressed Play on the dusty machine, and the television began to tell its erotic story.

* * *

_**TITILLATION MEDIA PRESENTS** _

_**ALL THE RIGHT PLACES 4** _

_"Hello, yes." A blonde woman stated, using a rotary phone and clothed in only a towel as she stood in her living room for whatever reason. "I'd like to place an order. Yes, one thick crust pizza with extra sausage, Parmesan, and mushrooms, please. Alright, $12.98. 129 Jackson Road. Thanks."_

_Hanging up the phone, the blonde woman dropped her towel, exposing her nude body to the camera as it gratuitously zoomed in on where it wanted the viewers to focus. (The producer of **All The Right Places 4** knew some people wanted the action to start real early.)_

_One thing Dipper noticed about the woman's body is that, well...she had a bit of a jungle going on..."down there". That was a sort-of trend back then, wasn't it? He had seen that on a few accidental video clicks of old stuff._

_Not that Dipper watched porn on a regular basis or anything._

_In a seemingly impossible amount of time, Carla's doorbell ring, and she threw her towel back on loosely, opening the door as the camera zoomed in on the pizza delivery guy._

_He was a tall, average-framed man with brown hair, a shaved beard, and a grin like a Cheshire cat._

_"One pizza for the sexiest woman alive?" The man questioned, as the camera zoomed in on the woman's cleavage._

_The woman giggled. "Wow, you cut right to the chase, why don't you?"_

_The man gave the woman a suggestive glare as he stuck his hand into her towel and groped her breast. "Open the pizza box. I've got a surprise for you."_

_"Wha...? Oh my!"_

* * *

Dipper groaned as the video turned to repetitive images of coitus, with that same stupid beat that goes _ba-wow, ba-wow, bow chicka wow wow..._ he knew it'd be in his head for the rest of the week too. He'd have to try his best to avoid humming it around his grunkle.

As Dipper fast-forwarded through the tape, he got a sudden chill through his entire body as a dreadful thought entered his subconscious.

No, that's crazy. No way.

Was it?

Dipper freeze-framed on an intimate shot in the tape, now questioning his life in general as he analyzed it. 

That guy sure did look a lot like a young Grunkle Stan.

 _No,_ Dipper fiercely thought, trying to play loud noise in his mind to drown out his thoughts.  _You're insane, Dipper. Don't think about your grunkle doing stuff like that. Gross._

As Dipper continued to fast-forward through the tape, he finally reached the ending credits, which would hopefully deny the suspicion he had.

_**STARRING** _

_**Cindy Cucumber as Carla** _

_**Stetson Pinefield as Pizza Delivery Guy #1** _

_ **Stetson Pinefield** _

_ **plǝᴉɟǝuᴉԀ uosʇǝʇS** _

The familiar name hit Dipper like a sack of bricks. Feeling his vision begin to go fuzzy around him, he stumbled over to the television, yanking the plug out of the VCR and packing everything away in the drawer again.

Before he knew it, an impulse put his head deep into the toilet, as he lost part of a midnight snack into the bowl.

* * *

For the rest of the summer, things had been slightly awkward for Dipper around his grunkle. But with all the strange stuff that had happened to him over the summer, there were times Dipper even forgot what he had discovered.

It's kinda hard to think too much about your great uncle being a porn star when a demon is trying to destroy your family.

However, once Dipper got back to his Wi-Fi'd home in California, he couldn't help but have a certain Google search pop into his mind one dark night when no one else was around.

* * *

_**Stetson Pinefield search results - page 1** _

_**Stetson Pinefield - Wikipedia** _

_**Rare Stetson Pinefield footage from "My Sister's BFF 7" - NailTube** _

_**Where to find Stetson Pinefield videos? - AdultVideoTalk Forum** _

_**Weird Stetson Pinefield scene - AdultVideoTalk Forum** _

* * *

Dipper couldn't believe the pages and pages of results the lovely interwebs had provided him with about his grunkle's sexual history. He hesitantly clicked the fourth link.

* * *

_**SharonPlus92: Does anyone know where to find Stetson Pinefield videos? He used to be everywhere in the 80s, you couldn't go in a rental shop without seeing him nailing some girl on the front cover of at least a dozen tapes...and I have to admit, his videos were of pretty good quality. But I can find hardly anything on streaming sites and tapes on eBay go for hundreds of dollars.** _

_**admin: Rumor has it he put some kind of court order out for rental shops to destroy copies of his videos a long while back once he left the industry. Shame.** _

_**SharonPlus92: What a shame, I have a pretty vivid memory of a hardcore scene he did with Sassy Slickbooty.** _

* * *

These people were seriously remembering the good old days of seeing his great uncle having graphic sex on tape.

Feeling intense bewilderment and revulsion, he went back to the search result page and clicked on the fifth result.

* * *

**_NiceMissChirp: I found a super old ex-rental tape of "Afterschool Ruptures" in a storage unit and have to share what I found._ **

**_There's this one scene where Stetson and some blonde dude, they're both playing jocks, and they have a threeway with this cheerleader in Stetson's car. But it's really weird because you can tell the whole time the blonde dude isn't into it until he 'accidentally' touches Stetson a few times. Stetson kinda gets into it with him too, poor chick._ **

**_What was also really weird is that I thought I had a pretty good database in my head of 80s adult film stars but I couldn't recognize the blonde dude. In the credits, he's just listed as "B.C.", something I've never seen before in any porn credits. Rather than making a fake name, I guess this dude just decided to use his initials._ **

**_Anyone know anything else about this guy?_ **

* * *

_Aaaand_ there went Dipper's dinner.

 


End file.
